Double Blog

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been preoccupied with life's calling.  For the past 2 weeks there has been a lot of hassle with gathering gifts and putting together events in celebration of the holidays with family and friends.  When I think times like this I automatically envision a romantic setting because usually couples are doing the extreme to make their loved ones happy.  I must say though that relationships are by far the most costly things that can break your pockets.  If your not spending it on a gift your spending it on a date.  However, its never about the money, its more the anticipation of seeing the surprise on your loved ones face when you do something they least expect or when you capture that smile on their face that leaves warmth inside. I'm a very mushy person when it comes to things like that because I know how great of a feeling it is for someone to sweep you off your feet.

However, this season has been pretty shaky.  There has been a lot of emotions flying around that has questioned my stability and love.  I think I often fail with relationships because I point the finger too quickly and never look at my own faults.  Also, I am such a selfish person. As much as I hate saying that its so true, smh.  I never made a new year's resolution because I don't believe that the beginning of a new year should dictate your behavior, your reactions, or your will to change.  All of these things should be done because you want to and you see a need for improvement.  You realize the damage you have done and believe that change will make you into a better person.

In 2011 I plan on being the same me, just with a different outlook on loving someone.  I want to improve myself as a partner and lover. :)

Significant Quote

"Love is the greatest feeling you will ever have, yet it is also one of the greatest sorrows. There is so much suffering, but then there are times when the crying, pain, and heartache is worth it. Those moments are perfect, they are right. Those moments make all the suffering worth while. It's those moments we should live for." -Unknown-

I was roaming the web and found this quote online, which to me symbolizes the ups and downs of my current relationship.  For months I have been going back and forth with my significant other about trivial and drastic things that have either put a hold on our relationship or put one person in a position to question its longetivity.  It's very difficult to sustain a relationship when both parties are stubborn and see their faults to be correct. It becomes frustrating to argue over the same issues over and over again, but when you really sit down to think about the disputes you realize that without these arguments a relationship would not be worth while.

Arguments are healthy and are supposed to question your role in a relationship.  An argument dictates your future with your significant other.  If you two are unable to surpass the issues set before you and can't find grounds to cultivate a solution then clearly you two are not strong enough to be together.  Relationships are a mixture of all kinds of emotions that come with the good and bad.  The problems you go through make the great moments spent together feel indescribable and perfect.

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Even if you agree to disagree, people are not all the same and will continue to bump heads.  However, when you truly love someone all the bickering begins to signify the hardship, the work ethic, and sincerity to maintain that relationship. Besides when arguments arise it is because you care too much for that person that your feelings can't be expressed in words.  You become jealous, eager, and possessive, but this is not to say that this is bad thing.  It just comes with the baggage.

Honeymoon

Every relationship has a honey moon stage, which usually occurs during the first few weeks or months of being in that "special" person's presence.  It's defined by the instant gratification of security, the arousal of new feelings that seem unbearable (in a good way of course) and the satisfaction of possibly finding someone that you feel compatible with.  During this stage your vulnerable like a deer in the headlights.  You see no flaws and are distracted by all the wonders that are presented to you.  You feel powerless and every moment is spent thinking about that person, wondering what they might be doing and if their thinking about you too...you know the little cute stuff.

You try so hard to impress them and hope that they don't pick out on your bad habits.  Most importantly you go out your way to be in tip top shape because you suspect that if you slip up they might just not want you anymore.  When it comes to your friends, you're always in a graceful mood which leaves them to question you about the mysterious person that has swayed you off your feet.

The honeymoon stage is the ultimate dream, the definition of the perfect relationship.  When it's over you question what happened and if your actions dictated the u-turn.  However, as you try to find the answers its important to realize that all good things come to an end.  You become comfortable in your relationship and most things you do to satisfy your partner you realize you no longer have to do.  Your emotions flip and you seek to find different ways to spice up your relationship OR you may lose the passion and the drive to want to sustain the relationship.  You may feel like the demands of being with that person is more than you can bare, but whatever it is you live and move on despite the end result.

Day 1

Last night I had an intervention and I came to the conclusion that I need to start a project that would consume my time and entertain an audience of people just like myself.  I questioned what people would be most interested in and it came to me by the drop of a dime that everyone experiences love, or so they think that they have.  Most of the time individuals confuse the nature of love with lust, especially when their carried away by the "perfection" of their partner.

Anyways as 2010 comes to a close and I reflect back on my relationship from its beginning stages till now I realize how self-absorbed I have been.  Seriously it truly is a blessing to see how people can cope with my attitude, selfishness, and unstable wants/needs.  I understand everyone is not perfect and of course humans are not meant to be, but for a split second I thought I was.  I thought I was able to conquer two masters at once...to juggle the sincerity of my relationship and linger between the devilish thoughts in mind of the possibilities that exist outside the realm of my relationship.

I played a culprit this year, a murderer of some one's heart and feelings, and "saint" in allowing people to actually believe that I was a good partner.  However,  for the remainder of this year and the new year I made an oath to do right and I plan on living by my word. Now, as I unravel my own psychological issues I want to address an array of problems/questions that suffice in relationships.  My ultimate goal is to use this blog as a column to express my feelings about the do's and don'ts of being in a relationship by using my own personal experiences, and possibly help those in need of advice.  So with that said let the blogging begin...