For some reason I have a strong feeling that this year I will acheive more than I expected both personally and academically. Since the moment it started everything has been falling in place. I am in good health and I have the right mentality to achieve anything that I put my mind to. This year I'm starting a new business venture which will grant me more responsibility and help me to really put together the pieces of my life. By being independent everything relies on me and how ambitious I am to go for what I want.
I have a great person standing by my side to encourage and support me and my endeavors. We'll be making a year in a couple of months and so far this is a great accomplishment because of how rocky the road has been in getting there. We've struggled a lot but I feel like this relationship has brought me at peace with myself. It has given me the opportunity to love and breathe again. It has taught me to appreciate the little things in life and to let go of my past and I truly do appreciate that.
Academically, I am a scholar and I will not settle for less. Even though I maintain above a 3.0 I think that if I push myself a little harder I can walk away from Rutgers with honors. On the court I just want to perfect my team and be the best leader I can be. We are all talented without a doubt but there is work that needs to be done. Our chemistry has not fully developed yet but as we grow and meet new competition we will get to the place where I want us to be. My goals for the success of this team is by far more than any anyone has placed upon us before, but I think its because of how much I love the game and how much I want to see us excel.
Anyways as I clear my room to head back to Rutgers I feel good about my upcoming semester and everything else that will follow. For everyone that reads this I wish all of you the best of luck.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
At Peace With Thy Self
It's hard going through the stages of life not being able to identify who you are, especially when you "live in darkness" and have no one to turn to. You remotely travel in the shadows of what society portrays as the norm and try so hard to discipline yourself to follow in the footsteps that have been laid out for you. It becomes frustrating to divert from a passage that your parents have instilled in you and what religion has punctured into your brain. You automatically question your desires, your future, your love and most importnatly your destiny.
When I look at myself and question my sexuality I wonder what it would be like to openly express myself without the hate. What it would feel like to have people not automatically assume what they don't know but mistake to be fact. For several years I pondered how my life would be different if I never decided to "experiment" with a female, but through it all I am proud of who I am. There were times I was confused and hated the fact that I could even draw feelings of liking someone of the same sex. I hated myself for it because it was not "normal." I knew people wouldn't easily accept it and I disliked the irritating questions that followed.
However, I have grown comfortable in my own skin. I realize people are always afraid of the unknown or quick to pass judgment on things they don't understand. With that assumptions will continuously be made because people need something to entertain themselves with. Yea I like girls, but it has never stopped me from liking men. Although I play two sides of the fence it doesn't make me greedy or promisicous I just am drawn to people that capture my attention regardless of gender. Who am I say what is wrong and right or to point the finger because at the end of the day it is my life. I'm me.
When I look at myself and question my sexuality I wonder what it would be like to openly express myself without the hate. What it would feel like to have people not automatically assume what they don't know but mistake to be fact. For several years I pondered how my life would be different if I never decided to "experiment" with a female, but through it all I am proud of who I am. There were times I was confused and hated the fact that I could even draw feelings of liking someone of the same sex. I hated myself for it because it was not "normal." I knew people wouldn't easily accept it and I disliked the irritating questions that followed.
However, I have grown comfortable in my own skin. I realize people are always afraid of the unknown or quick to pass judgment on things they don't understand. With that assumptions will continuously be made because people need something to entertain themselves with. Yea I like girls, but it has never stopped me from liking men. Although I play two sides of the fence it doesn't make me greedy or promisicous I just am drawn to people that capture my attention regardless of gender. Who am I say what is wrong and right or to point the finger because at the end of the day it is my life. I'm me.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Indescribable Love
When I hold you in my hands I feel a surge of power escalating throughout my body. There is no fear in my eyes, just open opportunity. I step onto the court and every player is a projection trained to defend and defeat me. However, I must never quit for this is my world and I dictate the game I want to be played. If I work hard at what I do no one can penetrate past me, move one step ahead of me, or know my weaknesses because after all my training a weakness no longer lives. However, with time I become my own worst enemy for if I surrender to an opponent I have surrendered to myself.
As I release you from my hands there is pure confidence that you will land as I envision you. When I defend the opponent inches into my domain and crosses the boundaries of which I protect. They violate a space and even though this is friendly competition I will own their mind and anticipate every move they make. They will become my prisoner to sabotage.
Every sweat that drops and all the strength I utilize will bury them for I will become victorious. Despite if I win or lose I know to myself I made them work to the end. For being in battle, hearing sounds of the ball hit the court, and the squeak of sneakers is my drug.
As I release you from my hands there is pure confidence that you will land as I envision you. When I defend the opponent inches into my domain and crosses the boundaries of which I protect. They violate a space and even though this is friendly competition I will own their mind and anticipate every move they make. They will become my prisoner to sabotage.
Every sweat that drops and all the strength I utilize will bury them for I will become victorious. Despite if I win or lose I know to myself I made them work to the end. For being in battle, hearing sounds of the ball hit the court, and the squeak of sneakers is my drug.
The Weeping Girl
I sit on my bed with my face in my hands and do nothing but weep. Cry for the pain, frustration, anger and hate that has built up inside me over the past couple of years. Despite my will to admit this every one of my relationships has contributed to how I love today. I push away great people for the sake of not wanting to hurt myself or others, but needless to say I have damaged their beliefs of what it means to have a great partner.
Truthfully, if I can rewind the time and make the decision to be alone I would. It should never be a joke to play with people's emotions especially when you allow them to fall in so deep, or to manipulate their thoughts and hearts into wanting you more when in reality you want them to let go. Many times you wish to remove the blind folds from their faces and the lies written on their hearts so they can stop treating you like you're this perfect saint here to save them of their ridicule. And, even though you may share similar stories there still lies a difference that you remain bitter while they try to confine and find a cure in you.
So when is it ok to rebound and abuse another innocent person? Never, because no one deserves the baggage. No one asks to be in that position and no one wishes to comprise with your faults.
Truthfully, if I can rewind the time and make the decision to be alone I would. It should never be a joke to play with people's emotions especially when you allow them to fall in so deep, or to manipulate their thoughts and hearts into wanting you more when in reality you want them to let go. Many times you wish to remove the blind folds from their faces and the lies written on their hearts so they can stop treating you like you're this perfect saint here to save them of their ridicule. And, even though you may share similar stories there still lies a difference that you remain bitter while they try to confine and find a cure in you.
So when is it ok to rebound and abuse another innocent person? Never, because no one deserves the baggage. No one asks to be in that position and no one wishes to comprise with your faults.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Double Blog
I haven't blogged in a while because I've been preoccupied with life's calling. For the past 2 weeks there has been a lot of hassle with gathering gifts and putting together events in celebration of the holidays with family and friends. When I think times like this I automatically envision a romantic setting because usually couples are doing the extreme to make their loved ones happy. I must say though that relationships are by far the most costly things that can break your pockets. If your not spending it on a gift your spending it on a date. However, its never about the money, its more the anticipation of seeing the surprise on your loved ones face when you do something they least expect or when you capture that smile on their face that leaves warmth inside. I'm a very mushy person when it comes to things like that because I know how great of a feeling it is for someone to sweep you off your feet.
However, this season has been pretty shaky. There has been a lot of emotions flying around that has questioned my stability and love. I think I often fail with relationships because I point the finger too quickly and never look at my own faults. Also, I am such a selfish person. As much as I hate saying that its so true, smh. I never made a new year's resolution because I don't believe that the beginning of a new year should dictate your behavior, your reactions, or your will to change. All of these things should be done because you want to and you see a need for improvement. You realize the damage you have done and believe that change will make you into a better person.
In 2011 I plan on being the same me, just with a different outlook on loving someone. I want to improve myself as a partner and lover. :)
However, this season has been pretty shaky. There has been a lot of emotions flying around that has questioned my stability and love. I think I often fail with relationships because I point the finger too quickly and never look at my own faults. Also, I am such a selfish person. As much as I hate saying that its so true, smh. I never made a new year's resolution because I don't believe that the beginning of a new year should dictate your behavior, your reactions, or your will to change. All of these things should be done because you want to and you see a need for improvement. You realize the damage you have done and believe that change will make you into a better person.
In 2011 I plan on being the same me, just with a different outlook on loving someone. I want to improve myself as a partner and lover. :)
Significant Quote
"Love is the greatest feeling you will ever have, yet it is also one of the greatest sorrows. There is so much suffering, but then there are times when the crying, pain, and heartache is worth it. Those moments are perfect, they are right. Those moments make all the suffering worth while. It's those moments we should live for." -Unknown-
I was roaming the web and found this quote online, which to me symbolizes the ups and downs of my current relationship. For months I have been going back and forth with my significant other about trivial and drastic things that have either put a hold on our relationship or put one person in a position to question its longetivity. It's very difficult to sustain a relationship when both parties are stubborn and see their faults to be correct. It becomes frustrating to argue over the same issues over and over again, but when you really sit down to think about the disputes you realize that without these arguments a relationship would not be worth while.
Arguments are healthy and are supposed to question your role in a relationship. An argument dictates your future with your significant other. If you two are unable to surpass the issues set before you and can't find grounds to cultivate a solution then clearly you two are not strong enough to be together. Relationships are a mixture of all kinds of emotions that come with the good and bad. The problems you go through make the great moments spent together feel indescribable and perfect.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if you agree to disagree, people are not all the same and will continue to bump heads. However, when you truly love someone all the bickering begins to signify the hardship, the work ethic, and sincerity to maintain that relationship. Besides when arguments arise it is because you care too much for that person that your feelings can't be expressed in words. You become jealous, eager, and possessive, but this is not to say that this is bad thing. It just comes with the baggage.
I was roaming the web and found this quote online, which to me symbolizes the ups and downs of my current relationship. For months I have been going back and forth with my significant other about trivial and drastic things that have either put a hold on our relationship or put one person in a position to question its longetivity. It's very difficult to sustain a relationship when both parties are stubborn and see their faults to be correct. It becomes frustrating to argue over the same issues over and over again, but when you really sit down to think about the disputes you realize that without these arguments a relationship would not be worth while.
Arguments are healthy and are supposed to question your role in a relationship. An argument dictates your future with your significant other. If you two are unable to surpass the issues set before you and can't find grounds to cultivate a solution then clearly you two are not strong enough to be together. Relationships are a mixture of all kinds of emotions that come with the good and bad. The problems you go through make the great moments spent together feel indescribable and perfect.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Even if you agree to disagree, people are not all the same and will continue to bump heads. However, when you truly love someone all the bickering begins to signify the hardship, the work ethic, and sincerity to maintain that relationship. Besides when arguments arise it is because you care too much for that person that your feelings can't be expressed in words. You become jealous, eager, and possessive, but this is not to say that this is bad thing. It just comes with the baggage.
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