After hours of deliberating over what to eat I finally decided on Moe's.  I went along with one of my line sisters and we had a deep intellectual conversation about life.  It's amazing how much you learn about someone if you just take the time to listen.  Overall, though today has been a laid back day.  I woke up around 10, went back to sleep at 10:30 to be scared out of my mind by a bad dream.  I was sweating and I could of sworn I was crying because my eyes were heavy and watery.  I hate having dreams about death, especially when it includes people who are close to me.  Later today, I'm thinking about putting together some gifts for people.  I don't know I think I've found a new hobby in doing arts and crafts.  All I've been wanting to do lately is sit and listen to music while I paint.  I think I'm finally coming in contact with my creative side.  Anyways I hope everyone has a blessed day. 

"F It"

Reflicting on the conversation I had with someone earlier this week, I realized how it boiled my blood to have spoken on issues I cared to destroy.  It really irks me to hold in dept conversations about my life and giving people the liberty to know more than I would like them to. For years my life has been filled with secrets, some good and some bad, but each have structured my personality and provided insight on the path I choose to lead.  Most have inspired my goals in a way that it reflects my desire help to others as a psychiatrist.   While I choose to be an outlet for others, I realize that I have not found my outlet.  I was told during this conversation that I need to let go of whatever haunting issues I have centered inside me by talking to someone and releasing these ill thoughts I have.  Trust me I'm not crazy, but then again what is the exact definition of crazy.  It has been said that individuals who pursue a career in psychology have "fucked up" mentalities because they themselves have issues.  They choose to evaluate patients and offer them a solution that they themselves can't conquer.  I won't lie I come at ease when I help other people and see a change in their lifestyle. 

I can't really muster why it's difficult for me to open my mouth, but I do know that not being able to talk about emotions has made me less empathetic.  I care less and I feel like others should walk with the same attitude as me.  Although I realize this can't be so, I also realize I need to stop being so stubborn.  There are many breaking points I have, but I maintain poise for I am a reflection of my father.  I find that many of his traits have been passed to me and at times I hate it.  I hate it because I don't want it to transpire into adulthood and make me bitter.  There are many times I question myself and although I know what I need to do to surpass this phase I choose not to.  Remarks like:  I can hold my own, Why tell other ppl when they possibly can't relate?, What can people do to help me if they can't help themselves?...have always stopped me from speaking out.  I guess when I come at ease with things I'll see a change.  Hopefully, it won't be too late.

And Then There Were 6...



I was sitting here trying to figure out what topic to discuss after "decades" of putting my fingers to rest and I thought why not include these lovely ladies in a blog.  Although the picture is missing two, the description I have of each of them is one of love, loyalty, and perserverance.  It took a lot for us to sit where we were and if you look at this picture you may assume that we're reflecting on something.  Possibly we were, for there are a lot of memories that all 6 of us hold close to our hearts.  Nothing can compare to the relationship we have established and how we gravitate to each other.  Despite our thriving personalities, we have all learned to cope with one another and accept each other for the people we are.  Individually we have our strengths and weaknesses, which we learned to use to guide each other through our worst and hardest moments.  We've seen each other cry, become stressed, depressed, and disgusted with the ill situations we faced individually.  Even though I grew close to these women in one semester, I truly feel like I've known them for a life time.  Some I grew closer to than others but I love all of them just the same.  I think its always nice to surround yourself with people who are as motivated, open-minded and as finesse as yourself, especially women.  It's very rare that you find such qualities in people now a days.

Anyways...

The picture also goes to remind me of the women in Set It Off.  Ask me why, I couldn't really tell you exactly, but it may be the idea of how the personalities of the characters reflect some of us.  I would go on to discuss each of them in detail but if you seen the movie and you know us then you get the idea.

~LOST IN TRANZLATION~